Actors Call For Zombie Boycott

The television and film industry was sensationally thrown into chaos yesterday when the actors’ union Equity, announced a boycott of all productions with any connections to the subject of zombies.

The first major casualties of this industrial action will be Season 3 of AMC’s blockbuster The Walking Dead, and the new Brad Pitt movie World War Z, which are set to be pulled from screens under pressure from the actors’ union.
 

A spokesperson for Equity told The Govan Enquirer last night:
 

“It is to our eternal shame that we have supported productions in the zombie genre in the past. We mistakenly believed them to be harmless, if tasteless, fun in the tradition of vampire and werewolf horror stories and for that we apologize profusely.
 

After meeting with representatives of the Rangers Supporters Trust over the past week, we now accept that the entire zombie genre has a sinister sectarian subtext and such productions are little more than propaganda glorifying the Provisional IRA, the Real IRA, the Official IRA, the Continuity IRA, Peter Lawwell, Opus Dei and the Vatican.
 

We can therefore no longer support zombie productions of any kind and we call on the entertainment industry to isolate and cast out into the showbiz wilderness anyone who writes, acts in, or otherwise is involved in any and all zombie productions.
 

All of our members who have appeared in zombie productions, at any time in their careers, have had their Equity cards revoked. We had thought them to be serious artists, but we were wrong. They are tarred with a sickening sectarian brush and are no longer welcome.”
 

Dark Mingwall of the RST said:
 

“We welcome the news that Equity has withdrawn its support for zombie movies. Everyone now knows that these are productions made by, and for, hate-filled, Rangers-hating, sectarian bigots.
 

The vanguardbears have produced a list of the names and addresses of everyone involved with every zombie movie, tvseries, novel and comic strip ever made, and are prepared to take direct action against any of them, alive or dead, who do not publicly apologise for their vile anti-Protestant, anti-British, anti-Rangers bigotry.
 

We now move on, to concentrate on our campaign to stop the break-up of the British Empire by the hate-filled Jacobites of the SNP.”
 

Equity refused to comment on rumours that threats have been received by actors who have recently appeared in zombie movies and TV shows.